The Story Behind the 'Mistress'

By N. Moreau

The word ‘mistress’ is a controversial one. Its overwhelmingly negative meaning is relatively recent, only attaining its current definition a few short centuries ago. The first definition found in the Oxford Dictionary is actually “a woman in a position of authority or control,” but paradigms of scandal and infidelity have polluted the word and twisted its original meaning. The complex etymology behind it reveals a lot about the periods this word has passed through, reflecting societal expectations for women and romantic relationships in each time frame.

In present times, it mainly refers to a woman in an illicit relationship with a married man. However, it hasn’t always held this meaning; surprisingly, the word started as the female version of the word ‘master’. It entered the English language in the 14th century through Old French as 'maistresse', which refers to a woman in a position of control, whether as the head of a household, a teacher, or a woman with expertise.

By the 15th century, there was an evolution of the meaning, and we start to see the term ‘mistress’ in the context of romantic relationships. Contrary to the modern definition, the word was used to refer to a man’s beloved, a courted woman. At one point, it even came to mean fiancée. It is only by the 17th century that the ‘mistress’ becomes a woman in an extramarital affair with a married man.

However, this does not mean that before the 17th century there were no mistresses. In fact, they were all the more common, even expected. In many cultures, many powerful men engaged in love affairs outside their marriage. Provided these relationships did not threaten inheritance or social order, they were often overlooked and even romanticized. Women, on the other hand, faced harsher consequences for infidelity due to social emphasis on lineage.

Some people even went out of their way to defend and rationalize these affairs, even referencing the concubinage in the Old Testament. Compared to our modern paradigm of a faithful and religious marriage, these justifications sound absurd. However, these excuses were usually tailored to serve personal agendas, as the church viewed adultery as a sin and condemned these interpretations.

Nowadays, mistresses are generally viewed as homewreckers, and infidelity is considered a sin. Cheating is unacceptable, regardless of how common it once was. However, one must point out the inequality embedded in these linguistics; if ‘mistress’, as in a woman in a position of authority, is the feminine version of ‘master’, what is the masculine version of ‘mistress’, as in the other woman? This gendered double standard reveals a lot about how our vocabulary can sometimes be misogynistic and our language can be weaponized to serve social standards.

Despite all the history and baggage carried by the word, its original meaning is preserved in some specific contexts. An example of this is the title ‘Headmistress’, which refers to the female principal of a school. Hopefully, the word can be reclaimed with this new lens to mean ‘female authority’, not ‘homewrecker’.