A guide for the underworld...

By A. Kissajikian

Preparation To The Afterlife

Hello fellow travelers of the underworld, welcome to “The guidebook to the afterlife”! If you are reading this, you are most probably VERY important person or an Pharaoh. 
Before your soul embarks on this tempestuous journey to the eternal rest, there are a few things you should know, and avoid, to successfully achieve peace and happiness. If you were not in a polytheistic Egyptian follower, you better hope to any God that your group of priests correctly took out all your organs and stored them in canopic jars (except your heart which needs to be stuffed with salt), dried out your body with specific oils, wrapped you in linen (with specific amulets) and placed your body in the correct coffin as a mummy (between a few other things). If they did not, you will not pass! 
Your heart represents all you have done throughout your life, the seed of emotion, memory, and intelligence. So, it needs to be taken really good care of. During your mummification process, the salt of natron (a mixture between sodium carbonate decahydrate, sodium bicarbonate, sodium chloride and sodium sulfate) is used because it absorbs water and behaves like a drying agent to that special organ. It is after wrapped with resin-soaked linen which are woven with charms for protection and a scarab amulet (very important for later!) 
Your brain should be pulled out by a hook in your nose and stored in a jar mentioned previously. They should cut through your body on the left side of your stomach, taking all your organs and drying them out. They should rinse your body with wines and spices, cover the corpse with natron for 70 days, wrap the body in bandages after this time and place you in a coffin. ​

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Process Of Reaching The Afterlife 

Before your spirit may re-unite with your body, you must pass through the Duat or afterlife. This realm contains lakes of fires, magic gates and fearsome beasts (one of them is called Him who dances in blood). To worsen everything, Apep, the God of destruction will be waiting for you, waiting to devour your soul. Equipped with your Book of the dead (a phony book compared to this one by the way), you will have all the spells and enchantments needed to pass through these obstacles. ​

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Hall Of Ma'at

If you manage, you will reach the hall of Ma’at, Goddess of truth and justice. Here you will take your final challenge. You will judged by 42 accessor Gods, analyzing if you have lived a righteous life.  You will address each of them by name, shown in the list below, and declare that you have not committed the sin they each represent (like falsehood, robbery, cursing, adultery etc.) In between each of these, you must proclaim you have not made anyone cry, you are not an eavesdropper and has not polluted water.  
The scarab in your heart will say if you speak truthfully. It is engraved with the words “do not stand as a witness against me.” ​

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Weighing Of The Heart

 
If you pass, Anubis will be standing with a balance in front of him. He will weigh your heart. If it is heavier than the feather, it will be devoured by God Ahmet (part crocodile, part leopard, part hippopotamus) and you will cease to exist. If it is judged pure, Ra, the sun God, will take you to Osiris, the God of the underworld, who gives you final approval to enter the afterlife. In the afterlife, you will re-encounter your deceased ones and there is no sadness or pain. But you should still work on the crops of the field and cultivate your plot of land.  ​

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@stWish you all the best. 
Good luck fellow soul! ​